One of the many anglicisms that we have adopted in our vocabulary of common use is friend zone, a term that is used in a relationship between two people where there is only friendship and ‘nothing else’ , but in which one of the parties has the hope of to be able to get something else…
Let’s know what the friend zone is and how you can get out of it (if such a formula exists).
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What is the friendzone
The friendzone refers to a metaphorical field, in which a boy or girl can be when the person for whom there is a romantic or sexual interest only wants a friendship . As a consequence, ‘being in the friend zone’ means having been rejected, either explicitly or implicitly, by the loved one. The friendzoned will become that ‘special friend’, who will always be there with the illusion that, one day, maybe they will achieve a more intimate relationship. It is said that once inside, it is impossible to get out of the friend zone , as if it were an eternal penance; and that the person imprisoned in this impassable perimeter will see helplessly how the loved one will have other partners and sleep with third parties without being any of them.Can You Get Out of the Friendzone
While it’s not uncommon to be discouraged about your chances of getting out of the friendzone, there are brave refusals to submit who struggle to try to break through these barriers. Let’s look at some clues that may be useful: 1. Knowing how to recognize that you are in the friendzone
Basic and necessary is knowing how to admit when the person has marked us as cattle and has sent us to the friendzone corral.
If you are not aware of this fact, it is practically impossible for the following steps to be carried out and there is any chance of success, so it is advisable to keep your eyes open for the signs and comments that ‘someone’ makes about it. 2. How does that person perceive me?
When something has happened that we would not want to happen (yes, we are in the friend zone), it is necessary to carry out an empathy exercise that helps us understand how the person we want to conquer sees us.
It is clear that the answer is “like a friend”, yes, but what kind of friend
, someone who is interested in keeping by his side forever and with whom he has enough confidence to open up openly
, or a passing person, who is only there to dry his tears and solve his self-esteem problems, and then forget about him until he requires his attention again
Determining what role we have been assigned will lead us to conclude whether or not there are possibilities of get out of the friend zone. Depending on the answer, maybe it’s better to accept defeat… 3. Contact 0
There is not much mystery. Putting land in the middle with who we like and who has rejected us, leaving a reasonable time for the waters to return to their course and we can design a possible better seduction plan (or definitively step aside), is both recommended and necessary.
This point can serve a double purpose: establishing contact 0 we will order our priorities and find moments of reflection to clarify if it is really worth the effort to try to captivate someone who seems to show no interest in us. Indirectly, stopping talking to the loved one will help them realize if they really need us (and how) in their lives.4. You have to live life!
Otherwise, who will do it for us, if not
Many people in love (or obsessed
) with someone, spend too much time desperate to collect the crumbs of affection that man or woman deposits in their outstretched hand so that they go to eat of her, losing opportunities to grow as human beings, cultivate her mind, have fun or exercise; while they live pending someone who ignores them and who loves them just for being a moral support.
Getting out of the Friendzone is not an easy task. | Image from: Social networks.
Therefore, using the time we have to promote our more sociable side by going out with friends is essential to remind us who we are .. Maybe that way we will meet someone who catches our attention to forget who had put us in the friend zone. The irony of all this is that “the friendzoner” may come back claiming the attention that he no longer receives from us. 5. Occupy time
This point is related to the previous one. It is about dedicating ourselves to new projects, perhaps planning an outing that we have been putting off for a long time, working on being better at work (looking for a possible promotion), reading that book that we left parked, reconciling with our most cultured “I”… Any alternative it is good when it comes to squeezing the time that has been given to us in more productive activities than dancing the water to those who do not deserve it . 6. “Because I’m worth it!”
Never has a television slogan given so much play. With this little joke we do not want to say anything other than learning to love ourselves a little and to value ourselves more : we are not pigeons that collect the crumbs of stale bread that the old people in the park throw at us, we do not have to settle for vague displays of affection made out of pity if Our claims go further.
Along with this advice to get out of the friend zone, we also add that, if the objective we are looking for does not work out, we have to learn to say “enough, we have come this far” and know how to detect when it is time to step aside. 7. A change of look might help
Many self-esteem issues stem from a perceived self-image that displeases us or makes us believe that we are not good enough. A new haircut, a bit of physical exercise or a new wardrobe can help us look in better shape and gain lost confidence. 8. Do not criminalize loneliness
There is a social stigma regarding lonely people, and it seems that sometimes we are pushed to socialize against our will . Although before we commented that it is good to foster ties and reinforce lost ties, it is also advisable to get to know each other in our moments of solitude and to know how to value both activities in company and our moments alone. 9. Change the mindset
Everything we have described so far implies in some way a change of attitude, but what we propose in this section is something more costly and will not be achieved in a few days: it is a total change of mentality with respect to the person who wants us ‘just as friends’, stop idealizing her and consider her just another human being, with her virtues and flaws. Along the same lines, we should focus on the positive aspects of life and change our priorities and affective needs .10. Confessing our feelings
It may seem crazy and more than one will probably panic just thinking about the idea of revealing our feelings or aspirations to that person. “Tell him how I feel
You are sick in the head!” Let’s reconsider for a moment: what’s wrong with saying something that is true
, why censor ourselves? Repression does not generate anything good if later we do not know how to manage it and let it consume us from within.
Revealing reality, exposing the facts as they are, we will free ourselves from the tension of having to continuously pretend, we will make our intentions and what we feel clear. Then it will be up to the other person to respond with the same currency or give us a one-way ticket to the friendzone. One last thought about the friendzone
This writing may have bothered and even offended more than one person. We do not intend to make believe that, because we like someone, we already have full rightsto be reciprocated, because what we are doing is denying, or leaving in the background, the feelings of the other party towards the interested party.
This writing is nothing more than a small explanatory guide with advice, but in no case does it seek to imply that “anything goes” in order to seduce those who attract us. After all, as stated in point 2, you have to carry out an empathy exercise to detect how one person perceives another who likes them; and not act like a bulldozer that justifies selfishly taking your plan to its ultimate consequences in order to achieve your ultimate goal.
In short, a person has as much right to try to get out of the friend zone and not settle for a friendship (even to reject it if it seems best for their mental health), as another has the right to opt for rejection, without forcing them to do so. change your mind.
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