That the traditional values regarding the conception of couples are being increasingly questioned and reversed, is not a subjective opinion, it is something that happens.
Although the idea still prevails that “love” (whatever it is and according to each one’s understanding), it is an exclusive and intimate affection shared between two human beings, who have developed a special bond in which they do not involve anyone. plus; A new term coined by the most progressive sectors known as “polyamory” seems to be gaining relevance. This concept seeks to bury approaches considered outdated as far as conventional couple relationships are concerned.
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What is polyamory?
Was the mystic Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart the first to speak of polyamory , priestess of the pagan cult Church of All Woods cursive (something like “Church of all woods”, if we translate it into Spanish), there by 1990. However, it has not been until relatively recently that the word “polyamory” has begun to be used in everyday vocabulary.
With this word they refer to couple relationships characterized by the participation of more than two people, who are voluntarily involved in said relationship and knowing the consequences. And which are they
Within the polyamory contract, the possibility of both loving and having sex with other people is contemplated; indeed, one might almost say that participants are encouraged to do so.
Given its characteristics, in a polyamorous relationship there is room for different sexual preferences, without prevailing one orientation or another . From this it follows that sex is not something obligatory or necessary, since almost anything goes in polyamory: whoever wants can sleep with whoever they want, inside and outside the relationship (prior agreement), although the basis of the bond is More emotional than physical.
clarification of concepts
To help understand what polyamory is, it is convenient to review expressions that refer to other ideas that can be confused with this neologism.
Also known as “swinging”, it is something that polyamory differs from. In this case, it refers to sporadic sexual encounters between couples, which take place in private premises prepared for this purpose.
In contrast, polyamory does not promote casual sex for one night or a short period of time (what we would say, a “roll”), something typical of liberal couples; but it proposes a deeper connection and with a forecast of durability.
Although it may seem that ‘polyamory’ and ‘sporadic sex’ are expressions that evoke the same thing (sex with several people without explanation), it should be clarified that this is not entirely the case.
Polyamory is a relationship with several people in which yes, there may be sex, but who have a special bond that unites them, although sex is an option that may or may not happen, as we said above. On the contrary, there would be having sex with unknown people, where there is no love and everything is purely physical.
Polygamy or polygyny
Proponents of polyamory argue that it is not a relational regime in which a man is allowed to sleep with many women (polygyny) or a woman to do the same with several men (polygyny).
In this sense, to talk about polyamory it is not necessary to go through the vicarage first and for the union between people to be formalized, as is the case with this type of marriage. Polyamory is more of an unwritten agreement, where everyone has a place as long as they accept the rules of the game and that does not force anyone to stay against their will.
3 types of polyamory and its meaning
In short, we can understand polyamory as a countercultural movement that seeks to break the dogmas of monogamy, a trend, polyamorous people say, culturally imposed and that goes against our animal nature.
But, since it is a verbal agreement, based on the honesty of those who join the polyamory bandwagonIt is very easy to fall into misunderstandings if you do not previously establish defined limits of what is allowed to be done or not in each relationship. For this reason, in order to avoid confusion and make priorities clear, three classes of polyamory with different meanings have been defined.
In this form of polyamory, intimate relationships are accepted only between members of a specific group , without the possibility of sleeping with someone outside of it.
2. Hierarchical polyamory Other members orbit
around a nuclear group, made up of a certain number of spouses who enjoy a much deeper union , with whom the main members can also establish a bond.secondary, somewhat more lax and permissive.
In this way, a person who is part of the fundamental stratum has the power to restrict the movements of someone from the other layer, determining with whom he can and with whom he cannot mate.
3. Free love
This type of polyamory is known by another name that does not leave many unknowns about what it defends: “relational anarchy”. Like the political doctrine, relational anarchy defends the absence of ties as far as relationships between people are concerned , where chaos prevails, to a certain extent.
Unlike other ways of understanding polyamory, supporters of free love enjoy complete freedom of action to link with pleasure to each one. Thus, no type of expectations are required of the participants, who act at will without the need to justify anyone, nor do they have the obligation to ask for them. Generally, any form of labeling of the relationship is avoided, since it is considered that this limits the potential of this polyamory.
However, despite the absence of any structure and being at the opposite end of the spectrum from monogamy, the values on which every polyamorous relationship is based also prevail: respect, honesty and transparency.
Conflicting positions regarding polyamory
There is no written rule that dictates how we should live and express our love, there is no doubt about that. However, despite so much sexual revolution and the rise of liberation movements, a somewhat conservative vision of the concept of a couple still remains entrenched in our society.
Continuing with this idea, there are many who consider this form of love without ties as an excuse or a euphemism to fall into pure and simple promiscuity , without delving further into interaction with people. Be careful, we don’t mess with those who want to enjoy sex for sex’s sake, rather the opposite. But this does not mean that there are not those who see a sort of perversion of that “love one another”.
Conversely,supporters of polyamory consider that our species is purely gregarious , and that any idea of tying ourselves to one person forever for the rest of our lives is something that goes against our sociable essence. Polyamorous people are able to profess affection and affection in an altruistic and inexhaustible way, but this decision about their own sexuality is not without risks.
Polyamory is not for everyone
Not all people have the same level of tolerance for what happens to us. As in any relationship in which we embark, in polyamory it is also important to put on the table what our expectations and priorities are before venturing to do something of which we are not convinced.
And it is that heThe appearance of jealousy can be one of the triggers so that this type of link never ends up working, as it would happen with a traditional couple. After all, not everyone is capable of processing the idea that someone to whom they feel more attached, is in turn sleeping and intimate with other members of this network of those involved, whom they also know and put a face to. .
In short, polyamory seems to work very well in theory, but in practice one cannot predict what will happen until it is carried out. Despite its good intentions, polyamory seems not to be exempt from difficulties, like those that any conventional couple would go through.
- It may be useful to you: The 5 types of jealousy and how to detect them.