A toxic relationship can materialize in many ways. Pay attention to this list. | Image: Jake Davies
Love relationships are one of the cornerstones around which our society revolves, for better or worse. Advertising, the economy, laws and almost any element of our culture takes it into account. Therefore, it should be of vital importance to know how to detect toxic relationships; either to help ourselves or an acquaintance .
Although we are going to talk about a “couple”, we must be aware that there are currently several ways of leading a romantic life and relationships, beyond monogamy and duality. Anyway, hereWe propose a list of human principles, applicable for the detection of toxic relationships in general , although we focus it more on couples.
Symptoms of a toxic partner
There are many symptoms and signs that can indicate that a partner is toxic and therefore harmful. It is very common for relationships of this type to cause damage to both members of the couple, although it is true that there is always one who comes out worse off .
First of all, we must remember that there are more types of couples than there are people in the world , since each couple is made up of two different people, living in different circumstances and with a unique and unrepeatable past. Here is the list:
1. The partner feels bad when you spend time with other people.
2. You feel especially bad when you spend time with people of the opposite sex (if you’re straight).
3. When you don’t have sexual relations, you react negatively questioning your love and involvement in the couple, making you feel bad.
4. He is aware of the economic expenses that you carry and when he discovers invoices or other monetary movements, he asks for explanations.
5. When you go out with other people, show special interest in knowing how they are physically and to know if they have a partner.
6. Ask for the passwords of your social networks , such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.
7. He asks you to show him the mobile conversations you have with other people.
8. He threatens you not to have sex when you don’t do what he says.
9. He threatens to leave the relationship when you don’t do what he says.
10. Ask and demand information about the people who comment on your photos, give you likes or other interactions on social networks.
11. Ask that you know your contacts or why you follow them.
12. Try to plan your daily activities unilaterally.
13. He asks you to let him know where you are throughout the day and asks for explanations.
14. Usually expects something in return for the things you do for him/her . Being able to show it explicitly or implicitly.
15. Tries to make you feel like you’re worthless without him/her or make you believe you depend on him/her.
16. He threatens you with the things he will do if the relationship ends.
17. He coerces you into believing that if you leave him he will hurt himself and telling you that without you he is nothing , in such a way that he forces you to assume responsibility for her well-being.
18. When you make an observation or have complained about something, he/she suddenly gets angry.
19. You feel that you cannot express yourself freely in front of the other person for fear of how she will react.
20. He does things to test you and see that you react the way he/she would like.
21. You cannot communicate your fears and problems to him because he tends to react negatively, and you choose to keep them to yourself.
22. When you don’t see each other for a while, he feels bad and tries to make you feel responsible for it , explicitly or implicitly.
23. Blackmails you in such a way that if you do something that might upset him, he will act to hurt you emotionally and/or physically.
24. It forces you to perform sexual practices that you dislike and do not enjoy.
25. Limit the time you spend with other people, especially when they are of the opposite sex (if you are straight).
26. He is excessively paternalistic towards you and overprotective.
27. He treats you as if you were an inferior and defenseless person.
28. Systematically despise your opinions, activities and tastes, as if they had no value.
29. Limits, criticizes or conditions your way of dressing , reacting negatively when you do not wear what he has told you or even forces you to change clothes.
30. When you have achieved something positive, it takes away merit and importance.
31. Underestimates your abilities and virtues, prioritizing or not theirs.
32. Does not take you into account when making decisions, regardless of whether they are important or not.
33. When you have a problem, express negative feelings or ask for help, you underestimate and downplay it.
34. When you complain about something that is wrong or makes you feel bad, it tells you that you are always complaining, that you complain for pleasure or in an unjustified way.
35. Before any conflict or point of dissonance between the two, he / she never rectify and you have to end up giving the reason.
36. You have sex with your partner simply to please them, and not because you feel like it.
37. When you do not end up giving the reason in an argument, you choose to react negatively by getting angry, keeping quiet for a long time or other options that show your disagreement.
38. When bad things happen to him he is able to blame you, even if you had nothing to do with the original problem.
39. Even though time has passed, he keeps reminding you of mistakes you made in the past .
40. As much as you do, he complains that you never pay attention to him and that he is not a priority for you, even making you feel bad about it.
41. Limit your professional future so that you spend more time with hers.
42. He doubts about your fidelity as soon as he has occasion .
43. He undervalues the sexual relationships you have compared to those he had in the past with other people.
44. When you do something for him/her, instead of thanking you, he receives it as if it were your obligation.
45. When someone of the opposite sex (in the case of being heterosexual) looks at you or talks to you, you are afraid that your partner will notice.
46. When you give him a gift, he gives much more importance to the money invested than to what it symbolizes.
47. He forces you to wear makeup for him, or on the contrary, not to wear so much makeup so as not to attract attention.
48. Limit contact with family members against your will or come to despise them.
49. Makes derogatory comments towards you in front of other people , leaving you in a bad place.
50. Criticizes your physical appearance and/or tells you what you should do to improve it.
Bonus: Number 51
51 is especially important. If some or many of these points appear intermittently, it is still a serious and worrying situation. Many toxic people have periods of “calm” in which they become great lovers , and “toxic” periods, in which the signs of the list appear.
Knowing how to differentiate between a bad patch and a cyclical process can be vital for the physical and mental health of the person who suffers the consequences of a toxic relationship. In any case, the fact that it is a bad streak is not an excuse to maintain or justify these behaviors , so, whatever it may be, you must intervene immediately.
What to do if I detect a toxic relationship
At this point, if you have identified or recognized some or many of these points in your partner or in another person’s partner, it would be convenient to take action on the matter.
From looking for alternatives to improve the relationship (in the case of not being a serious case) with professional help, even considering breaking the relationship should be options to take into account if the situation continues over time, or even if it happens intermittently or punctually.
