How many times has it happened to yell at children? Educating them well without losing patience is certainly the most difficult task for a parent. Nobody has superpowers or a manual that outlines the perfect behaviors to raise their children well, but it is also true that a good educational result can be achieved by changing certain behaviors in adults.
The first fundamental rule is to remember that example is of fundamental importance to make children follow the rules, therefore it is important to accompany words to deeds, demonstrating to the little ones that prohibitions are not a limit to their person but are a help to point them on the right path.
Educating children without screaming is possible and advisable to correct their behavior. A firm attitude and a determined look will be more than enough to get them back properly.
Let ‘s find out 10 rules to make children obey without screaming :
1) Change communication
One of the first ways to make children obey is to change the type of communication . Being authoritative does not mean screaming and using strong manners to impose one’s ideas through exaggerated and inadequate tones of voice, because even this behavior could be imitated by the little ones and above all misinterpreted. On the contrary, developing an educational language will make children grow without making them develop a defiant attitude towards what is forbidden. Each prohibition must always be accompanied by a logical explanation of why; only in this way will no provocative attitudes arise.
2) Adapt the communication
Friendship, dialogue, detachment . These are three of the keywords in a parent-child relationship. They are present in all the growth phases of a child’s life, but they are to be “administered” in a different way according to the age of the child, always taking into account the character of her. A parent must be a friend of their child to be able to listen and advise, without having to give orders. No need to scream, just talk: the right dialogue is able to create complicity and mutual respect, two elements that are the basis of active listening. Detachment is what the parent needs in order to be objective with their child; in this way the child will have the opportunity to develop his own potential and the parent to be able to advise him in the best possible way during growth.
3) Non-verbal communication
Another educational rule to be heard is to radically change your attitude . Mistakenly children, tormented by the constant screams, could understand that only those who scream loudest are right and have the right to impose their ideas, ending up not listening anymore. Non -verbal communication plays a fundamental role in the upbringing of offspring. A direct look accompanied by a calm and decisive tone of voice inspires respect, and will make parents appear more authoritative and firm on their ideas. In this way the children will understand that only through dialogue and calm tones can a dialogue be obtained, without having to raise one’s voice to be heard.
4) Suitable language
When exposing rules to children, it is of fundamental importance to use an impersonal and objective language , without imperatives that could arouse contrary reactions. Furthermore, it is important to explain why certain behaviors are not correct, distinguishing well what could previously be done from what must now be avoided. In this way the child will learn the rules without seeing them as restrictions. So it would be better to replace the classic phrase “Whose fault is it?” with “What happened?”, in this way we will focus on the actual reasons for what happened.
5) Self-control …
Self-control does not arise spontaneously and suddenly, but is a behavioral exercise that requires a lot of perseverance and commitment. After a long day at work in which a lot of stress builds up, it can happen to add a disproportionate emotional load to the scolding of children. So it is good to distinguish emotions , without adding moods that do not belong to that particular moment. In moments when tension grows, it is essential for adults to find their own space to let off steam, without pouring tensions on children.
6)… Even in small things
Self-control, in addition to moderating impulsive reactions, must help the parent not to identify every small naive or wrong gesture of the child as negative and to be corrected . The child, as such, still has to learn everything, and to learn it he has to experiment. As the famous proverb also goes, making mistakes you learn : only by trying, experimenting and making mistakes, the child will understand directly what is right and what is not. You have to be able to recognize their small mistakes for what they are and calmly, explain to them what they did and why it was corrected or not.
7) Nobody is perfect
” Every time a child is born, a father and a mother are born ” . The words of the Spanish pediatrician Carlos Gonzales in his book Parents and children together , make us reflect on how much the child and the parents represent totally new roles for all members of the nascent family. While the child must learn everything from the world and the people around him, parents must learn to be parents, to transmit the right values and do it in the correct way. Happens to have an attitude that is considered correct towards your child, only to discover that it does not help him to grow well; and it happens in stressful days to raise your voice, perhaps for something superfluous. The important thing is to know how to recognize the mistake and correct one’s behavior.
8) The power of authority
As Ben Parker would say ” with great power comes great responsibility “. The parent plays a very important role for the child: he has decision-making power, he teaches but above all, he sets a good example . If you want to convey good habits and respect, you have to be the first to behave in the correct way , with your children and with any other person. Even in the most common situations, when shopping at the supermarket or a ride to the park, you must always be friendly and smiling: in addition to improving your mood, good education will be transmitted to your child. Once learned, there will be no need to get to the screamsfor a rebuke; it will be enough to be respectful and speak clearly.
9) Say no
No’s are the most difficult answers for parents to give, and most irritating for a child to receive, but they are essential as they grow up. It is very important to know how to use them properly, in order not to witness disproportionate reactions. If you decide to use it, you have to remain determined and persevere in the “no”; a change of mind would cause the child to doubt the real strength of this word. A “no” is never well received, so you have to know how to explain well why you cannot satisfy that request and have patience; if the child asks for other explanations, it will be right to give them to him to educate him better. But be careful not to overdo it : children used to always being told no, in the long run they begin to no longer value it.
Developing independence and fostering the autonomy of the little ones is essential to make them become self-sufficient adults and able to grow in compliance with the rules that society imposes. Constantly helping them with the simplest activities, such as dressing them, tying their shoes and preparing the briefcase, will save time but will not induce them to develop their skills. Learning to do will help them feel more confident and relate to other peers.