Top 20 Best Chuck Norris Jokes – Jokes and Facts about Chuck Norris 2012

Top 20 Best Chuck Norris Jokes – Jokes and Facts about Chuck Norris 2012

1. Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking.
2. Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.
3. When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won’t be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.
4. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? …All of it.

1. When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.
2. Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego.
3. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don’t really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum.
4. Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
5. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
6. Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this “a slow Tuesday.”
7. Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
8. James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.
9. The crossing lights in Chuck Norris’s home town say “Die slowly” and “die quickly”. They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.
10. Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium.
11. Chuck Norris has never been accused of murder for the simple fact that his roundhouse kicks are recognized world-wide as ‘acts of God.’ Chuck Norris’ pulse is measured on the richter scale.
12. The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn’t tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.
13. When J. Robert Oppenheimer said “I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds”, He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing.
14. Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
15. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse… horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
16. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, ‘Two seconds till.’ After you ask, ‘Two seconds to what?’ he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

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