It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.
Some people are like Slinky’s. Pretty much useless but make you smile when you push them down the stairs.
A word to the wise ain’t necessary – it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
If you teach your children nothing else, teach them the Golden Rule and “righty-tighty, lefty-loosey.
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.
A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.
Today is the last day of some of your life.
Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
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