Funny Love Quotes

“I detest ‘love lyrics.’ I think one of the causes of bad mental health in the United States is that people have been raised on ‘love lyrics.” – Frank Zappa

“You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.” – Dolly Parton

“I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

“A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did.” – Edgar Watson Howe

“Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.” – Dorothy Parker

“Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for.” – Mae West

“The body, she says, is subject to the forces of gravity. But the soul is ruled by levity, pure.” – Saul Bellow

“It does not matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you do not do it in the street and frighten the horses.” – Mrs. Patrick Campbell

“A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it.” – Don Fraser

“If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?” – unknown

“There are three kinds of men who do not understand women: Young, old, and middle-aged.” – Anonymous (and with good reason)

“Women like me because I make them laugh. And what is an orgasm, except laughter of the loins?” – Mickey Rooney

“Marriage is a fine institution – but I’m not ready for an institution.” – Mae West

“My heart’s in the right place. I know, ‘cuz I hid it there.” – Carrie Fisher

“My wife and I have sex almost every day of the week,” Milton Berle once said. “Yes, almost Monday, almost Tuesday, almost Wednesday.”

“If you do kiss a politician, remember this: You are not only kissing him, you are kissing every butt that he has kissed in the last eight years.” – Jay Leno

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.” – Woody Allen, Love and Death

“To laugh often and love much… to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to give one’s self… this is to have succeeded.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

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