Funny Facebook Statuses Online. Facebook Phrases for Facebook Status.

The longer the title the less important the job.
Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
I named my wifi “Free Wifi” once , And the password was “BitchPlease !” , It became such a successful internal joke !
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

I don’t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck…
If love is blind. and hate is deaf, you would think stupid would be mute and yet he just keeps on talking
I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes – “open bar”
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
That awkward moment when you are wearing fastrack accesories & you are finding it difficult to move on .
If I had a dollar for every time I misplaced my keys, I’d have a purse full of money, I’d also be trying to find.
I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a crap in days…
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.