- The longer the title the less important the job.
- Just remember…if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
- I named my wifi “Free Wifi” once , And the password was “BitchPlease !” , It became such a successful internal joke !
- The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
- Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
- I don’t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck…
- If love is blind. and hate is deaf, you would think stupid would be mute and yet he just keeps on talking
- I attend weddings purely to be fortunate enough to hear those two little words that always bring tears to my eyes – “open bar”
- I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
- That awkward moment when you are wearing fastrack accesories & you are finding it difficult to move on .
- If I had a dollar for every time I misplaced my keys, I’d have a purse full of money, I’d also be trying to find.
- I’m emotionally constipated. I haven’t given a crap in days…
- Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
- Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
- Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
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