Free Police Jokes – Funny Jokes

Free Police Jokes – Funny Jokes

It is a road that is quietly at the wheel when he noticed a yellow dwarf beside the road that beckons him. He stops and goes to the dwarf, who said:
– I was starving, if you give me to eat, I t’encule.
The road is rather surprised, and says he does not want, it’s not his thing and there is no need that to feed him, and he’s in a sandwich . Shortly after taking over his route, he noticed a red dwarf on the edge of the road that beckons him. He stops and goes to the dwarf, who said:
– I really thirsty, if you give me to drink I’ll suck.
The road begins to s’ennerver, shouted that he did not feel like getting sucked off by a red dwarf, leading him a beer and left. He continues his road a few miles away, he sees a dwarf blue on the edge of the road that beckons him. It exceeded down and said to the dwarf blue:
– YEAH! I know! if I file to eat you and bugger me if I file if you suck my drink!
And the dwarf replied:
– That’s right, will hop, vehicle documents and we will solve it all for the post!

What is the difference between a boxer and a police car?
– In the police car there are two assholes.

What is long and hard for a policeman?
– The sixth primary.

This is going to become a police examem, the examiner asks the candidate:
– Which character has lost the battle at Waterloo?
No answer.
– I’m sure you know the answer, his name starts with the letter N
No answer.
– Then there was the letter A.
– Na, Na ….. Navaro?
– But no NA NA … .. then there is a P
– NAP, NAP ….. Napoleon?
– Yes, right. You are entitled to your cap.
– What was the name of the great German dictator in 1940?
No answer.
– Come on, think his name began with HI
– SD?
– No, he had a mustache like that (and he puts two fingers under his nose)?
– Hitler?
– Congratulations, you are entitled to your belt.
– Who killed Jesus Christ?
– That I have no idea.
– Listen, said the examiner, go home, it’s Friday, you’re tired, too, come back Monday and preferably with the answer.
The candidate goes home, proud, with his cap and his beautiful brand new belt and his wife asked him how was the exam?
– Very well, he said, I answered two questions, fingers in the nose and I was already given my first survey.

Chief, chief! There was a flight that night at the supermarket! Stolen 2000 cartons of cigarettes and 1500 lettuce!
– Well, and you have suspicions?
– Ben, we look for a rabbit who is coughing!

What is the difference between a barrel of lye and a police station?
Laundry in the drum is sure to have at least one active agent

How does one call the police sperm?
– From chicken.

There are two types of customs: textbooks and intellectuals.
– The manuals are waved through with your hand
– Intellectuals are waved through with the head.

Why every officer of police, never look out the window in the morning? For this they will not what to do in the afternoon!

What is the difference between a bus of riot police and a condom?
In the condom is put one acorn

– Chief, chief! There was a flight that night at the supermarket! Stolen 2000 1500 cartons of cigarettes and lettuce!
– Well, and you have suspicions?
– Yeah, we look for a rabbit who is coughing!

A man convicted of murder fled after 15 years in prison. It enters a detached house or a young couple sleeping peacefully. It attaches man in a chair at one end of the room and the woman on the bed at the other end. Then he approaches her and looks in his neck … then rushes to the bathroom. The husband approach painfully in his chair and whispered:
– Honey, this type out of prison, I saw him kiss his neck, he probably has not seen a woman in years. Whatever the application, obey and do as you like it if it is a matter of survival, be strong, I love you
His wife, half naked, spreads her gag and answers:
– Honey, I’m glad you take it as that, he does not kiss me in the neck: he told me that you are cute and he asked me if we had Vaseline in the bathroom, be strong, I love you …

A guy with very high IQ decides to invent a machine to further increase his IQ. After many years of research, he finally discovered a machine. He decided to try it on himself. He puts the headphones, turn the knob to 150. after removing the helmet, he finds himself very intelligent. His desire to continue is too great he puts the helmet and turns the wheel, but once at 160, the needle of IQ level of the machine passes to 10 IQ Then the man gets up abassourdi, revolves around his machine and said:
– Control of police, you have your paper?

What is the smallest unit of distance?
– The millimeter.
What is the smallest unit of measure liquids?
– The milliliter.
What is the smallest unit of measure of intelligence?
– Member.

On the highway, a police motorcyclist approached the carcass of a car that has just rolled over several times. The two passengers were killed instantly … When he looks to make the initial findings, the agent comes out of the wreckage a little monkey staggering. Looking at the animal, the officer sighs
Ah, if only you could speak …
And the monkey looks, shaking his head upright as if he understood the meaning of the sentence.
The officer continued:
-You understand what I said?
Again, the monkey shook his head. So the agent begins the conversation:
– What happened?
The monkey pretended to take a can and bring it to his mouth. Agent:
– They were drinking?
The monkey nods.
Agent:
– And what else?
The monkey puts his index and middle finger in the mouth. Agent:
– They smoked the drug?
The monkey nods. Agent:
– And what else?
The animal made an obscene gesture with his fingers. Agent:
And in addition they Batiffol both?
The monkey nods. Agent:
– No wonder the accident! And you little monkey what did you do?
The animal emissions both fists in front of him and pretends to drive …

How do you recognize a cop Gay?
– It’s the one with the flies around his baton.

Custody at the PJ, interrogation room:
– You will admit bastard …
The guy is sitting on a chair in the middle of the room with the lights on right in the face for 12 hours. He is unmoved. All except him sweat. The “Boss”, “the boss” in a full-pumps:
– Okay guys, I’ll go to sleep eyes … Try to make him confess … use the mass media … watts swing him on the chin … I have to confession tomorrow.
The next day, the “boss”, “The Big Boss” enters the room:
– So guys … He confessed?
– Ben boss … all he has confessed that he was 10 years old lighthouse keeper!

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