Celebrity Jokes

Celebrity Jokes

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight-year-old child.

“I had a linguistics professor who said that it’s man’s ability to use language that makes him the dominant species on the planet. That may be. But I think there’s one other thing that separates us from animals. We aren’t afraid of vacuum cleaners.”

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.

The Enterprise gets involved in an enigmatic, strange, and dangerous situation, and there are no pesky aliens they can blame it on in the end.

The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some sweeties.

I was coming home from kindergarten – well they told me it was kindergarten. I found out later I had been working in a factory for ten years. It’s good for a kid to know how to make gloves.

People always ask me, ‘Were you funny as a child?’ Well, no, I was an accountant.

The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp phenomenon, which is in some way unconnected with the 20th century.

Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

The Enterprise comes across a Garden-of-Eden-like planet called Paradise, where everyone is happy all the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly as it seems.

Stood in the way of her film career when he refused to bankroll her debut performance in ‘Jailbait Rock’, the story of her Mom and Dad’s courtship.

The all-night Kool Aid and Twister marathons with his little friends left him too tired to do that ‘hee-hee-hee’ thing she fell in love with.

She felt pressured to buy hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of LaToya’s Amway products for the sake of family peace.

Jermaine and Tito were constantly asking her why Elvis didn’t have kids THEY could marry.

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