People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
George Bernard Shaw
We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know.
W. H. Auden
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Cross country skiing is great if you live in
a small country.
I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.
I never said most of the things I said.
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.
David Lee Roth
Never have more children than you have car windows.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
If the facts don’t fit the theory, change the facts.
Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.
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