Best funny phrases for Facebook, Messenger and Twitter

Best funny phrases for Facebook, Messenger and Twitter

She’s dressed up like a Dogs dinner

About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.

He’s that useless he couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery

Don’t be so open-minded your brains fall out.

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love.

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.

She’s been up and down more times than a whore’s drawers

She’s been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!

It’s colder than a penguin’s bollocks

She’s got a face like a picture – it needs hanging

You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

For you see, each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow

You’ve got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier

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