Best funny phrases for Facebook, Messenger and Twitter
She’s dressed up like a Dogs dinner
About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.
He’s that useless he couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery
Don’t be so open-minded your brains fall out.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
The sweetest joy, the wildest woe is love.
Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.
Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.
She’s been up and down more times than a whore’s drawers
She’s been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!
It’s colder than a penguin’s bollocks
She’s got a face like a picture – it needs hanging
You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.
For you see, each day I love you more, today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow
You’ve got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier